You're taken, remember? And not really looking. I'm being a good boy, Dru thinks it's sweet. I think it's a ball ache.
Well, if he was doing this, he was being painfully honest about it. Hell, all he wanted to do was be with Nicolas but what was he supposed to do when Nicki had a boyfriend and never seemed to make any sort of move. He flirted, he said nice things but nothing ever lead anywhere. He'd asked his band for advise and they all told him the same thing, Nicolas wasn't interested in him as long as he had Lestat. And he had him so what luck did he have?
To him being taken. To it being sweet. Definitely to it being a ball ache. Nicolas stared at his phone and drank, until he leaned back on the wall, tears in his eyes for all that mattered.
He doesn't want me. He never says it and he takes me, but he doesn't want me.
I'm just dark and empty inside, did you know? I drag him down when he's doing so well. My fault.
Some blokes just don't know what they have. I told you once and I'll tell you again, he's a twat. And twat like that doesn't have any opinion worthwhile
He didn't understand how anyone could have Nicolas and not love him like he wanted to. He didn't know why he wanted to love him so much and so desperately wanted to be loved in return but he did. Nicolas had been his first love, the first of his peers to be so kind to him. He changed his life in so many ways and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to just let go to that.
Dark and empty? In you? Bollocks. The way that you play, you can't be empty. There's something horribly beautiful inside you just bursting to get out. Like fire. Burns to touch, painful and bright, just it's almost hypnotic. And it's dazzling. He was lucky enough to get close to you, not your fault that he can't appreciate it.
Nicolas just read over the message again and again, until he did hurt all over. He didn't care that he was curled up on the floor with scratch marks on his body from all the things inside him than needed somewhere to go, that he was crying without shame. Maybe Lestat had a point about there being no hope in him, what did he know. But at least someone could appreciate him anyway.
He's leaving me. I know he is. But he buys all these things. He doesn't just go. He buys things and he takes me and he just doesn't let me have him any more. He won't let go of me.
Then you should let go of him. Let go and come to me. I'm not saying I'm better but hell, I can at least help you get drunk and commiserate. You know I'm not exactly good at all of this flowery bollocks so just bloody well come to me, would you?
He didn't care where, when or how, he'd get there. He was already pulling on his jeans and grabbed his shirt, ready to meet Nicolas if he had to. If he wanted to. He knew he did but Nicolas? He wasn't so sure. He just knew that Lestat was a bastard who needed dumping and dumping fast.
I'm home. I've given him everything. If I have nothing now, it's because it's all with him.
Flowery bollocks indeed.
I'm very drunk already. Spike. William. You're the only one who has anything that's me who hasn't just thrown it away. Keep me. Keep me please. I'll be yours. Nothing but yours.
It's not all with him, is it? I got a little piece of your soul.
He reached out to touch his Plectrum. That had to count for something, didn't it?
If you're mine then come be with me? Can't be that hard, can it? I can pay for your taxi if you want. Probably wise. Being drunk alone is what losers do. You're not a loser, Nicki. You're better than that.
I think I already lost. You can come here. I'm alone.
Lestat knew him better than anyone still and he couldn't stand him any more. He really couldn't. No matter what he thought and no matter what gifts he gave him. Buying him off. Making him feel like a whore. He didn't even know.
His music makes me sick. He doesn't know the first bloody thing about music. Me and you, we know music. Now don't be stupid, I'm on my way. Give me a little while.
Spike sighed and moved into the hallway, loudly banging on Angel's door to try and get his and Dru's attention, should they take a moment to catch their breath. "Oi, lovebirds, I gotta go out. Don't be worrying about me if I don't come back tomorrow, I'm not running away," last time he went out without telling Dru, she cried about it and Angel beat him up. He was in no way that dumb as to do it again.
He thinks I don't see beauty. All I see in music is you. You're all I think of. Until he comes. But you're beauty, we make beauty. No, better. What we make is real.
Drusilla might not even realize Spike existed right at this moment, because she was hurting and all the pain was Angel, was Angelus and it was all she wanted, but at least Nicolas was texting him, almost feverish in his need for him.
We can make music tonight. We'll show him why he's wrong and why we're right. You know beauty, you know it better than anyone. Don't let a blind man tell you how to see.
No response. Beautiful. After a long few moments of groaning and what sounded like Angel yelling 'fuck off', Spike swiftly moved from the door and scribbled a note to put on the fridge just in case, heading out and stealing Angel's car keys as he went. Eh, not like he had any other form of transport, they all sort of shared the car and hell, he was the one that paid for it, taxed it and insured it.
Hated him for being hated, but whatever. It didn't stop him from loving him too, but it sure fired him up enough to just want to destroy him right this moment. Enough to make him want to take Spike in their bed, to give Spike everything Lestat didn't want.
I will. I have to drive now so just hang tight, I'll be back soon.
He got into the car and started it up, driving before he thought of anything, including that he only vaguely knew the direction he had to go. Hence why once he arrived, he spent a good five minutes looping the area, trying to remember where the sodding hell he lived. He parked up finally outside the apartment block, checking his phone before he headed up.
Nicolas decided that no further response was needed if he really was that close, so instead he just started to play his violin, because that seemed more effective than sending directions to Spike and he was just sober enough to still find the right notes and just drunk enough to sound as if possessed. Made Lestat sick, did it? Well, he'd play all the darker for it.
He just followed the music, moving until he found the door it was coming from. He checked the handle, surprised to see that he could so easily enter. Didn't Nicki ever lock anything? He moved in carefully, shutting the door behind him and looking around the place until he found Nicolas, violin in hands, eyes set on him. "Hey."
Spike shoved his hands into his pockets, smiling softly at him. "How could anyone not fall for that beautiful sound? You're a bloody genius, mate."
"You're biased." But biased in his favour. And he had spent the last hours repeating in his head the words that had been thrown into his face by someone he loved more than anything for so long and someone who seemed to know all his weaknesses, just to hurt him as much as he possibly could. Hearing all he hated and feared most about himself. And here was Spike, looking at him like this and it broke something inside him.
No wonder then that he sunk to his knees, looked up at Spike, feeling like begging for everything he could get and thinking he deserved nothing. "Tell me you want me."
Spike dropped to his knees with Nicolas without hesitation, wanting to touch but not knowing how he wanted to be touched, if he even wanted it. He just stroked his hair ever so slightly, pulling him in close and holding him tight. It seemed to be what he needed the most, he clearly needed some kind of assurance and he knew what he needed to do. "I thought I already did. Don't know how many more times I could say it before you believe me."
With a faint smile, he gripped him tighter and buried his head against his neck, inhaling Nicolas's scent because, God help him, he was weak. "I want you."
Nicolas reached up to put his hand against Spike's chest, finally touching the plectrum he'd given him all those years ago without thinking much of it. Now it had kind of become a symbol of so many things, not least of all of everything he denied himself, because he hadn't wanted to replace Lestat in any way and nothing with Spike could ever be casual. But here he was now, with everything he was torn apart and destroyed, but Spike still wanted him anyway.
"William." He just whispered the name and turned his head so he could brush his lips against Spike's face. "I'll be yours then."
Spike kissed him, not even hesitating to, unable to help himself. When he was younger, he had a few dreams about this kind of thing. Only he had written an epic poem worthy of making Nicolas take his virginity but given he didn't write poetry any more and definitely didn't have his virginity, it was just nice to know he was still loved. Close enough to his fantasy anyway. He smiled as he pulled face, stroking Nicolas's cheek before he reached out to grip his shoulder.
"You look tired. Let's get to bed, shall we?" Oh, wait, that came out very wrong. "I mean to sleep, not to shag. Not tonight."
"Sleep." Nicolas smiled, wondering if he could even stand. It had seemed easy enough while playing, but things like this were always easier when playing. He licked his lips, still tasting the kiss and it was more like a dream than anything. Maybe he shouldn't have done this while being so very far from sober. "How do I know you're really here? Fuck. I'm sorry, I'm so drunk, makes me talk like I'm out of my mind." Or maybe he was so out of his mind he really needed to get drunk.
He helped to pull Nicolas upright, steadying him against himself with a slight shake of his head. "I don't know. I suppose the best way to find out is to check if I'm still there in the morning. Which I will be, not like I'm going to leave you now." He helped to haul Nicolas into the bedroom, stumbling a little under the others weight but managing to get them both onto the soft comfort of the bed. "It's fine, I've been this drunk before. I've been bloody drunker. You should have seen me the night after they bleached my hair, I've never been so drunk."
"The night I met Lestat..." Nicolas broke off and shook his head, once more letting his hand rest on Spike's chest. He held onto the plectrum, focusing on nothing but the feel of it on the palm of his hand, looking at nothing but Spike. "Whatever. I won't think of him. Only you matter." Even if Spike was only in his head, that was still more than he'd permit Lestat after all of this. "I'll think of what would have been if I had taken you with me. But you'd never have run with me, would you?"
"Dunno," Spike admitted as he came onto the bed, dragging Nicolas into a sleeping position and dragging him in so he could hold him. Not cuddling, mind, just comforting. It wasn't poncy or anything, it was just affection. "Probably not, I know I didn't want you to go. Sat in the music room the day after you left and ... and I cried. And I didn't know why. I barely knew you really, we didn't know each other so well. I felt like someone had hit me in the gut," He sighed sadly as he settled back, keeping Nicolas close, remember all to well the pain he'd felt after Nicolas. "You were my first crush and I didn't realise until you'd gone. Or maybe I did and I was just scared. I already had enough issues without adding 'gay' to it."
"I liked you," Nicolas admitted freely, very gladly letting Spike hold him. He hadn't been held in some time it seemed. No wonder he'd started to feel so cold. "I just didn't let anything or anyone close at the time. I just wanted to move on, you know?" Obviously he knew, because they had both moved on rather drastically, even if it had taken William, Spike a few more years. "I cried after the first night we played together. When I came home and I realized I want you more than anything."
"I know. I did too. Well, I whined at Dru, that's about as pathetic," Spike joked as he lay back, holding Nicolas so he was basically against his chest, gently rubbing his back in what he hoped was a reassuring way. He just wanted Nicolas to feel better. "I know you never fancied me when I was, you know, the old me. I don't blame you, much better looking now. Like I said earlier, handsome. Proud of that too, put a lot of work into it. It's okay that you didn't have a school boy crush like I did. At least you have feelings for me now. More than I could have wished for once."
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Date: 2015-10-04 09:13 pm (UTC)Well, if he was doing this, he was being painfully honest about it. Hell, all he wanted to do was be with Nicolas but what was he supposed to do when Nicki had a boyfriend and never seemed to make any sort of move. He flirted, he said nice things but nothing ever lead anywhere. He'd asked his band for advise and they all told him the same thing, Nicolas wasn't interested in him as long as he had Lestat. And he had him so what luck did he have?
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Date: 2015-10-04 09:21 pm (UTC)To him being taken. To it being sweet. Definitely to it being a ball ache. Nicolas stared at his phone and drank, until he leaned back on the wall, tears in his eyes for all that mattered.
He doesn't want me. He never says it and he takes me, but he doesn't want me.
I'm just dark and empty inside, did you know? I drag him down when he's doing so well. My fault.
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Date: 2015-10-04 09:30 pm (UTC)He didn't understand how anyone could have Nicolas and not love him like he wanted to. He didn't know why he wanted to love him so much and so desperately wanted to be loved in return but he did. Nicolas had been his first love, the first of his peers to be so kind to him. He changed his life in so many ways and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to just let go to that.
Dark and empty? In you? Bollocks. The way that you play, you can't be empty. There's something horribly beautiful inside you just bursting to get out. Like fire. Burns to touch, painful and bright, just it's almost hypnotic. And it's dazzling. He was lucky enough to get close to you, not your fault that he can't appreciate it.
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Date: 2015-10-04 09:40 pm (UTC)He's leaving me. I know he is. But he buys all these things. He doesn't just go. He buys things and he takes me and he just doesn't let me have him any more. He won't let go of me.
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Date: 2015-10-04 09:46 pm (UTC)He didn't care where, when or how, he'd get there. He was already pulling on his jeans and grabbed his shirt, ready to meet Nicolas if he had to. If he wanted to. He knew he did but Nicolas? He wasn't so sure. He just knew that Lestat was a bastard who needed dumping and dumping fast.
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Date: 2015-10-04 09:53 pm (UTC)Flowery bollocks indeed.
I'm very drunk already. Spike. William. You're the only one who has anything that's me who hasn't just thrown it away. Keep me. Keep me please. I'll be yours. Nothing but yours.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:01 pm (UTC)He reached out to touch his Plectrum. That had to count for something, didn't it?
If you're mine then come be with me? Can't be that hard, can it? I can pay for your taxi if you want. Probably wise. Being drunk alone is what losers do. You're not a loser, Nicki. You're better than that.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:10 pm (UTC)Lestat knew him better than anyone still and he couldn't stand him any more. He really couldn't. No matter what he thought and no matter what gifts he gave him. Buying him off. Making him feel like a whore. He didn't even know.
My music makes him sick.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:17 pm (UTC)Spike sighed and moved into the hallway, loudly banging on Angel's door to try and get his and Dru's attention, should they take a moment to catch their breath. "Oi, lovebirds, I gotta go out. Don't be worrying about me if I don't come back tomorrow, I'm not running away," last time he went out without telling Dru, she cried about it and Angel beat him up. He was in no way that dumb as to do it again.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:23 pm (UTC)Drusilla might not even realize Spike existed right at this moment, because she was hurting and all the pain was Angel, was Angelus and it was all she wanted, but at least Nicolas was texting him, almost feverish in his need for him.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:27 pm (UTC)No response. Beautiful. After a long few moments of groaning and what sounded like Angel yelling 'fuck off', Spike swiftly moved from the door and scribbled a note to put on the fridge just in case, heading out and stealing Angel's car keys as he went. Eh, not like he had any other form of transport, they all sort of shared the car and hell, he was the one that paid for it, taxed it and insured it.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:31 pm (UTC)Hated him for being hated, but whatever. It didn't stop him from loving him too, but it sure fired him up enough to just want to destroy him right this moment. Enough to make him want to take Spike in their bed, to give Spike everything Lestat didn't want.
Will you keep me?
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:35 pm (UTC)He got into the car and started it up, driving before he thought of anything, including that he only vaguely knew the direction he had to go. Hence why once he arrived, he spent a good five minutes looping the area, trying to remember where the sodding hell he lived. He parked up finally outside the apartment block, checking his phone before he headed up.
Nearly there.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:39 pm (UTC)Nicolas decided that no further response was needed if he really was that close, so instead he just started to play his violin, because that seemed more effective than sending directions to Spike and he was just sober enough to still find the right notes and just drunk enough to sound as if possessed. Made Lestat sick, did it? Well, he'd play all the darker for it.
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Date: 2015-10-04 10:50 pm (UTC)Spike shoved his hands into his pockets, smiling softly at him. "How could anyone not fall for that beautiful sound? You're a bloody genius, mate."
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Date: 2015-10-04 11:01 pm (UTC)No wonder then that he sunk to his knees, looked up at Spike, feeling like begging for everything he could get and thinking he deserved nothing. "Tell me you want me."
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Date: 2015-10-04 11:05 pm (UTC)With a faint smile, he gripped him tighter and buried his head against his neck, inhaling Nicolas's scent because, God help him, he was weak. "I want you."
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Date: 2015-10-04 11:11 pm (UTC)"William." He just whispered the name and turned his head so he could brush his lips against Spike's face. "I'll be yours then."
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Date: 2015-10-04 11:16 pm (UTC)"You look tired. Let's get to bed, shall we?" Oh, wait, that came out very wrong. "I mean to sleep, not to shag. Not tonight."
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